September 20, 2013

Christian Living: A Blank Stare

Most of you, if not all of you, have experienced a run-in with a "fake friend". There's always a person who seems to smile in your face but stab you in the back. It's never a fun feeling and as fake as the friend might be, the damage they can do is very real. When it pertains to fake friends, one of my biggest concerns has always been the inability to see them as fake. There are a lot of people who are professional actors in the grand scheme of life. They know how to put on a show depending on the vicinity they're in. As exhausting as it is to even think about, there are people who have it down to a science. How can you see them for who they really are?

There's a quote floating around the internet. Unfortunately, I don't know who to credit it to but it's really thought-provoking. 

"Some people will pretend to care just so they can get a better seat to watch your struggle. Every helping hand isn't always there to help." 

Some people pretend to care and it goes deeper than being nosy. Using someone else's struggle as your own entertainment fest stems from a serious space of lack. To have the time and energy to find enjoyment in the struggles of others means that: 

a.) There's an abundance of idle time. God makes it very clear in His Word that He frowns on the idea of being idle. That time could be spent communing with God, cultivating your purpose, working out at the gym, building a business and the list goes on. 

b.) There's a lack of self-worth. I have to daily give my self-worth back to God and give Him permission to define the woman I am in Him. It takes work. Sometimes, I fail. I do put in the work though. When there's a lack of self-worth, it's much easier to look at others and find joy in their pain because misery loves company. Don't be that person.

Now, if you're trying to figure out who these people are in your life, consider the following:

1. They've seen you down and out, offer help and then try to make you feel bad for needing help.  
2. They've seen you at your worst and then brag about how well they're doing. 
3. They're not happy for you when things start to go well for you. 
4. They're quick to offer help but slow to offer encouragement or love. 
5. They act like they aren't paying any attention to you but in conversation, they bring up details that would suggest they are watching closer than they lead on. 

This list isn't to suggest that you become paranoid. I am suggesting that you become as wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove. You don't have to be mean. Just really be careful how much you share because there are wolves in sheep's clothing. There are people who will pretend to support you but really it's just a part of their own selfish agenda and has absolutely nothing to do with uplifting the body of Christ. 

Think of it as a blank stare. Yes, those folks are watching. Folks are watching and "waiting to help". As a matter of fact, they're staring. However, there's no fruit as a result of their actions. The help isn't really help. You're just coming up with nothing...totally blank.  See it for what it is and keep it moving. Don't get down about it though. Out of all the people on planet Earth, they find you interesting enough to pay so much attention. Obviously, you've got something going for you! Praise God for the struggle because the impact is multi-dimensional! Pray and ask God to give you discernment, peace, and provision to help you through your struggle.

I hope this enlightens and encourages you. 
God bless you!


  1. Nice post! Discernment is definitely key to weeding out friends from "friends". Getting to that point in life where you can tell the difference between the two is so game-changing. Thanks for sharing!

    1. Hi, Jeida!!! yes discernment is def. key. Thanks for reading :)

  2. This enlightened and blessed me! I dealt with this a lot in the last year and had to cut some people loose because of it. Thanks for breaking it down so eloquently as usual! Great Sabbath reading, I am SO thankful for your posts :)

    1. It's painful but it's gotta be done. God will def. replace the relationships you lost with peace. I believe that! God always restores and Praise the Lord! I'm thankful for your encouragement and that it's been a blessing to you! :)